LOSE MYSELF


“Envy is the desire to have what someone else has. Jealousy is the fear of losing what you have. The more insecure you are about yourself or your relationship, the more jealous you are, because you are afraid to lose your significant other to someone else.”
― Oliver Markus, Why Men And Women Can’t Be Friends

After Chad, I swore to myself I wouldnt lose myself to jealousy or childish behaviour, especially over a man I never had.

I wouldnt lose myself to those kind of feelings again. I was so immature. So insecure. I was really ridiculous and it made me look like a psycho bitch. I ruined my so called friendship with Chad. I decided that I would never put myself in a situation like that again.

I try not to flirt too much with anyone.Especially those whom are taken (Johnny is the exception)

I figure most women would not see me as a threat to their relationship.

Them:

Me:

I was asked to go to the movies with G and his girlfriend last week. The Conjuring 2. We were supposed to go tonight. He was so excited to go, and he kept telling me “not to forget that we are going on friday, ok”

No big deal. It was a group thing. I was friends with her. We always got along. Thank god, I wouldnt want to see that movie by myself after watching the first one. I was telling his girlfriend, how scared I had been when I watched the first one. No one likes to sit beside me during horror movies. They always moved a seat away. She laughed.

I walked in this morning, and I asked her if she was going to hold my hand during the movie?

The look on her face was if I had stabbed in her the gut with a dull rusty knife. She just had this meh expression on her face. “G wont be going to the movie with you.”

I stared at her. “What”

“He is busy. Because of sunday.”

Sunday?

“He forgot about his presentation. So he wont be going with you at all.”

I was puzzled. But she was coming too. “Ok.” I shrugged her explanation off. I had no idea what she was talking about. I would just ask G when I had the chance.

I was then asked by the other girls if I was going on Sunday.

“Sunday? Where?” I asked. Confused.

“To the volleyball championship?” ah yes their little volleyball league.

“Rebecca wants to go,” she chimes in. “But she cant. She is busy”

I was bewildered. What was going on? Was she being funny as in harhar. or

When someone looks at bae

“Yes I am so busy.” I echoed.

“But Rebecca, you can cheer us on!” the girls did a little dance.

“She is busy being lazy” she replied.

Whatever, I shrugged it off as being funny and laughed. I went on my break and messaged G. I didnt get a reply back.

Later I was in drive thru.

“R was asking if Johnny was single” the girls giggled. Everyone turned to me.

I thought maybe I heard wrong.

“What?”

“R was asking if Johnny was single!”

Jealousy kicked me a little. I always flirted with Johnny (if you could call it that) I didnt like that feeling at all. Competition. Jealousy. It meant I was insecure. I hated that!

I sighed. “Well there is going to be a death in the family”

The girls started to laugh.

Johnny walked by me as I was taking an order and brushed against me.

“Really, Johnny?” I purred.

“Really” he walked into lobby got his drink, walked back into drive thru, and I stepped in his way.

“Now what?”

He smiled. He poked me in the ribs, and I giggled. Dancing out of his reach. “Now what, Rebecca” he moved past.

Hmm Johnny.

I was distracted by Johnny until I got a reply from G, telling me he was not feeling well.

My plans were now up in the air.

I just shrugged it off.

I dont need people to bring me down.

 

♥writing was all I had, all I’ve ever had, the only currency, the only proof that I was alive. Memory.♥ each of us has a story to tell. Leave your thoughts. Leave your comments.

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