“Why aren’t you praying for yourself?”


“Why aren’t you praying for yourself?”

“Because what if someone has no one praying for them and they are going through a hard time? What if they are feeling so much despair pain and loneliness? I will pray for them to ease their burdens. So they may feel joy and happiness and the light on their face. I pray for others before I pray for myself!”

Before I was sick, before my cancer diagnosis I would pray every day. Hours day and night. I love to pray.

When my health started failing, and I was in so much pain that it hurt to crawl out of bed, I often wondered how I got the strength to do so. It was from my fervent love for and believe in God that made get through every day.

I rarely asked for God to ease my pain nor did I ask Him why was He putting me through this.

All I knew? the pain was nothing compared to other people’s. I had no right to complain. All I asked was for His patience if I cried, became angry or cursed when the pain was too much too tolerate. I also prayed to find out what was wrong with me.

It took awhile for my prayer to be heard, for God to work His way.

Cancer.

I was relieved. Happy. Joyful.

My prayer time slowly cut in half when I was to recuperate from my surgery at my parents.

Their ideology forced me to pray in silence. something I wasn’t used to. I couldn’t pray whenever I wanted. Having my faith and my love for God constantly questioned. I was happy when they would pray for me before I would sleep. But the hours I spent praying had greatly diminished.

By the time I was in the cancer lodge I was no longer spending my nights praying. I had gotten used to listening YouTube falling asleep. Or to sermons.

My treatments went well, I was finding time in the shower, while dressing to give thanks to God. Even in the morning, my prayers were dwindling.

Now I was back at work. Barely praying in the night before bed. Praying while I worked. But only to ask for forgiveness for my anger my impatience. When I got home that day I would be in awe of His Mercy.

I found out I might have to give up Daisy and I asked for someway to keep her. For the Lord’s help. He heard me for my parents agreed to help me. They wouldn’t help my sister. I was so happy.

My follow up appointment were nearing, my anxiousness about the internal exam, leaving Daisy alone, having my sister check on her was growing.

I felt so guilty that i got to keep my cat but K couldn’t keep hers.

My appointment arrived Everything went smoothly! Daisy was fine and happy to see me when I got home.

Then I found out K’s cat was happier and being spoiled.

While it was true I hadn’t prayed as much as I had been. rare that I prayed for myself, the moments like these were moments I cried in true joy. How wonderful that Lord works through us. It’s too awe inspiring to think how much He has done for others.

Praying isn’t just about asking for forgiveness, mercy or praising God. It’s a conversation. A conversation worth having!

3 thoughts on ““Why aren’t you praying for yourself?”

♥writing was all I had, all I’ve ever had, the only currency, the only proof that I was alive. Memory.♥ each of us has a story to tell. Leave your thoughts. Leave your comments.

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