My anxiety of eating in front of others has gotten worse.

I can’t eat in front of people. I’m afraid of having them watching me eat. Nit picking how I eat. What I eat.

At work it’s fine, because I am mostly alone and I have my earphones in.

But this afternoon, having lunch with my mother. Instead of sitting with my uncle she sat with me.

“Stop talking and hurry up and eat! I cant watch you eat! It’s disgusting!” She told me. She cut me off in mid conversation. She made a gagging sound. “Your disgusting eating that!”

I flinched as if she hit me. What the fuck?

“Why are you having large portions of food!” I wasn’t.

“Why did you have that iced coffee with sugar and cream?!” Because I am not a psychopath.

“How much salt is on that?!”

“Carbs are bad! Do you know how many carbs you are eating! That turns into sugar! And your drink! Your drink is pure sugar!”

I tried to ignore her. “God gave you a second chance and you are throwing it away!”

I stared coldly at her. “It’s not much better than what you cook too! Either you sit there and talk about something else or you can sit with Uncle!”

She reacted as if I hit her! She tried to rationalize her words but I wasnt having it!

She fell silent. “You’re just throwing away what God gave you” she tried again.

I started to pack up the remaining food I hadn’t eaten.

“What are you doing?” She demanded, “eat that! Finish eating!”

“I’m done” I replied flatly. “I lost my appetite.”

“You said you were hungry!”

I threw my food in the garbage and walked off.

8 thoughts on “MUST BE OUT OF MY MIND

  1. Your mom is not nice to you at all is she? You seem to have been banned from my following. You got lost with several others. I tried searching for your site nothing came up. Just weird. Gary finally sent me the URL.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She is nice when she wants to be 😒
      How weird! I was wondering where you went. I thought you were on hiatus😂 WordPress has certainly been acting up😡🤬 I’m going to check my settings to make sure nothing else wonky hasn’t happened
      It was nice of Gary to send you my blog link.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. WP gets so weird sometimes. WP unfollowed a good dozen or more blogs. Most I was able to easily refollow, especially those who comment on my blog. But a few like yours I could not find again. I put the very title of you blog in my search and it said “Not found!”

        Liked by 1 person

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