Me: she’s an easy lover
Mel: she’s an easy lay
Mom: oh no I think I am going to be sick.
I was looking over some calcite today after work. Orange, red, yellow, green and honey. “Maybe we should get some honey calcite for your mother” I remarked to K. “It will enhance her intellect”
We burst out laughing. Mel glared at us. “What do you mean? Are you saying I am stupid?” She asked.
We left the Crystal shop, and while sitting in the air conditioned car Mel was reading some messages on her phone. “Oh I have to are-chive these” she mused.
I frowned. What was she talking about? “Are-chive?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah are-chive!”
It took me a moment to realize she meant “archive”
“No, it’s are-chive”
Then k piped up from the backseat “it’s archive, mom!”
I burst out laughing.
We went to my parents house for dinner. We relaxed afterwards in the living room. singing and making some TikTok videos, while my parents tried not to lose their patience.
“K are you working on your times tables?” My mom asked. “Mel are you helping her”
I broke into Ann Lee’s song “two times”
My sister joined in.
“There! We helped!”
My dad, who had been napping on the sofa, began to smile. Which made my mom angrier.
“I think we better go” my sister suggested.
“Two times” I sung.
While I was trying to put on my shoes, my sister opened the door. Squishing me against the wall.
She was wondering why the door wouldn’t open further so she kept pressing against it, pushing the door into me, into the wall.
“Melissa!” I cried.
She stopped. Took a step forward and peeked around the door “come on!” She was confused.
I could barely stand, I was laughing so hard.
She then closed the screen door on me, which I almost fell right through because I tripped. I was plastered against the mesh,when my mom stormed into the foyer.
“Becky! Will you be quiet your dad is sleeping!” Then she saw me. Saw the door. I thought she would have a stroke. “Becky! My door!”
I tried to speak. Tried to move. But I was helpless.
“Mom. I can’t move, help”
My mom started berating me in German as she tried to untangle me from the mesh. “Will you be quiet! The neighbors!” She cried.
“I can’t open the door!”
My mom opened the door “no, don’t step on the threshold you will break it!” She cried. But I stepped over the partition. I hurried to the car, where K and Mel were laughing hysterically at me.
“Auntie, did you if you go around town with your titties hanging out you’re insulting the town” my niece blurted out.
Well, that took the cake. I lost it. I was laughing hysterically.
Oh what a day!