If I had a dating profile?
This song would be the before
This would be the after.
Scary! Even eHarmony wouldn’t be able to help!
This weekend made me so feel happy I was single.
Honestly, unless someone was caring, compassionate and committed, I don’t think a partner would be able to deal with a Cancer prognosis, the treatment and then the effects afterwards.
In my naïveté, I believed that the physical side effects would last months to a year. Emotional outbursts I could handle, but having my body turn against me at the inopportune time? No!
This morning was so rough, I wondered why I even got up.
It began normal, a cool shower. I felt something tickle the back of my throat. I choked. I have horrible gag reflex. I ended up vomiting all over the shower stall. Then to my horror, rumble bum.
It took me half hour to scrub myself clean, the tub. I was almost late for my ride to work.
Moments before I was to begin work, I was in “dire straits” Almost late.
The whole shift my chemo brain was in high gear. I had to keep apologizing for my brain fog. Apologizing if I was little edgy.
Meanwhile I was having severe anxiety about my hygiene. my OCD was flared. I kept rubbing hand soap all over all my uniform. Washing my hands.
Being unclean is not option. being around someone who smells, triggers my OCD. I am in a constant state of hyper vigilance. So myself being unclean? I was going nuts!!!
The whole time I had that horrible thought in the back of my mind. What if my lover had to see all that? Better yet, what kind of person would I be if I to were have a loved one go through an illness?
It was a sobering thought. Suddenly my bad morning (?) seemed insignificant.