HAPPY TO BE SINGLE


If I had a dating profile?

This song would be the before

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMd3WNB7x/

This would be the after.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMd3WFRNM/

Scary! Even eHarmony wouldn’t be able to help!

This weekend made me so feel happy I was single.

Honestly, unless someone was caring, compassionate and committed, I don’t think a partner would be able to deal with a Cancer prognosis, the treatment and then the effects afterwards.

In my naïveté, I believed that the physical side effects would last months to a year. Emotional outbursts I could handle, but having my body turn against me at the inopportune time? No!

This morning was so rough, I wondered why I even got up.

It began normal, a cool shower. I felt something tickle the back of my throat. I choked. I have horrible gag reflex. I ended up vomiting all over the shower stall. Then to my horror, rumble bum.

It took me half hour to scrub myself clean, the tub. I was almost late for my ride to work.

Moments before I was to begin work, I was in “dire straits” Almost late.

The whole shift my chemo brain was in high gear. I had to keep apologizing for my brain fog. Apologizing if I was little edgy.

Meanwhile I was having severe anxiety about my hygiene. my OCD was flared. I kept rubbing hand soap all over all my uniform. Washing my hands.

Being unclean is not option. being around someone who smells, triggers my OCD. I am in a constant state of hyper vigilance. So myself being unclean? I was going nuts!!!

The whole time I had that horrible thought in the back of my mind. What if my lover had to see all that? Better yet, what kind of person would I be if I to were have a loved one go through an illness?

It was a sobering thought. Suddenly my bad morning (?) seemed insignificant.

4 thoughts on “HAPPY TO BE SINGLE

    1. Yes but sometimes a person doesn’t like to be that vulnerable. I would be appreciative but understood if they couldn’t handle being around me.
      Cancer isn’t pretty. I was very lucky.
      Watching the love shown between couples at the cancer treatment centre, it was so tender and real!
      I admire people who are so loving and caring!
      Every day while I was in treatment I made it a point to tell my parents how much I appreciate their care for me. Even when I acted out, I apologized.

      Like

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