FEELING DETACHED

Part of me didn’t flinch when I heard the news that my junior high crush passed away last week.

I shouldn’t say crush. It was more of an obsession that took over half my adult life. I almost felt like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. My obsessive compulsiveness was out of control. I was manic. I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t understand why I was fixated on him.

It was at a basketball tournament in grade 8 that I fell for him. I was eating hoagies and drinking pop when my eyes fell on this tall dark haired guy. Wow.

I heard of him of course. My cousin would gossip about the In Crowd at her school. B being one of the popular people.

That year He was all I could talk about. I would follow him around like a lost puppy. There were so many cringe worthy moments. Junior high was so awkward and horrible for me.

High school was different. He was still a jock and popular. I was still a nobody but a nobody messed with because the girls were afraid I would come after their man.🤮

Graduation and he was barely a whisper in my thoughts.

He had a family now. We chatted every once and while. Until I didn’t see him at all.

Hearing he died didn’t invoke any kind of emotion. No overwhelming sense of loss. Nothing.

Is it horrible for me to feel this detached?