BEATING THE HEAT!


Mom: why are you calling me? Did you get off early?

Me: no it’s 10 after. I’m waiting.

Mom: Becky it’s not even 3:45. It’s 3:30.

Me: what?! Its past 4 already!

Mom: are you kidding?! I’m looking at the clock right now!

Me: it’s says 4:10!

The heat wave was ridiculous! Yet it was blessedly cold in the restaurant.

My drive thru team was complaining it was too cold! In +35C ?! I don’t think so!

I had a lot of energy and was in a good mood but had to remind my team not to test me.

“Becky you don’t have patience”

I snorted “of course not I’m not a doctor”

I was surprised that I was in a good mood most of the day.

“Becky can you turn off the fan” lane 1 whined.

“Um no. It’s +35 outside. If you are cold put on a jacket” I grinned “ the only reason,”‘I went on “you should be turning off the fan is if you smell something funky” I made a face. “Especially after I’m done my lunch”

He had a confused expression on his face.

“Hi May I take your order” I mimicked him “just one minute” I sniffed the air then gagged. “Oh my gulay what? Becky! What is that smell!”

Realization dawned. “Ew gross!” he cried.everyone laughed. “That’s gross!”

I shrugged. “I’m just warning you”

It was such a good day.

PIGEON HAIR


Me: K look at all the pigeon hair! Oh my god did I really say that?! Pigeon hair? I meant feathers.

Me: The ostrich’s name was Emmanuel Todd Rodriguez. What was your full name again, Willow? I forgot your full name. Come on, what’s your government name! Fernando? No I’m pretty sure it’s not Fernando. Daisy’s full name Daisy Elizabeth. What did I name you? I forgot your government name! It’s not Fernando! Why would I have named you Fernando?! Ok it’s Fernando. Willow Fernando.

-odd conversations about odd things

A CAT? OR AN ASSASSIN


My cat Willow tried to methodically take me out. Snuff me. Plan my demise.

I believe her first plan- death by stench- almost worked. My word, that cat could smell worse than garbage! No matter how many times I would wipe her bum with medicated soap, she would come back with some more sinisterly foul smell emanating off her.

The second plan – death by stress. Willow is a gift that keeps giving. She gives the gift of waking me up in the morning by peeing on the bed. on the sofa. Leaving her poop on the sofa, bed, on Daisy. That was priceless!😂😂 I get so stressed I end up going into a OCD break down followed by depression.

The third plan, was death by snuggles. My cat is a fat bottom girl 🥰😂 so adorable with beautiful colours. Yet heavy as fuck in the trunk.. I can’t carry her properly so I don’t. We snuggle. Last night we snuggled. She burrowed her face in my arms. Then bit me! In the under arm. I stared down at her in disbelief. She lifted her face and had an expression of bliss. She nuzzled again then bit. “Ow, that hurts.”

Which leads to this morning.

Willow spent the night in her cat tree. I refused to have the cats sleep with me. I woke up to a putrid smell (exaggerates) I almost vomited. Willow strutted into the bedroom. I immediately nixed that idea.

She smelled so bad, but I praised her for being such a good girl for letting momma sleep.

I ran a bath. I couldn’t find the cat soap, brush anywhere. Coincidence?! Probably.

I carried Willow into the bathroom and that’s when all hell broke loose. She screamed and clawed at me. The pain was excruciating! I was terrified she ripped into my brachial artery.

However, the moment Willow touched the water she relaxed. I was stunned. She allowed me to wash her. She fretted a bit when I got to her bum. All of sudden she launched herself at me.

Clawed her way out of the tub. I was so bewildered by her hissing and angry attitude until I opened the door and there was the neighbor’s cat!

I shooed the cat away and tried to comfort Willow but it was too late.

I disinfected my arm,bandaged it and then I noticed Willow got me again. “No!”I wailed. “Not the bra strap!” Right in the shoulder!

A cute adorable fat bottom baby with wonderful colouring by day, a sinister foul smelling assassin by night!

EVERY DOCUMENTARY ABOUT SERIAL KILLERS


“I would have gotten away with to if wasn’t for…”

  • DNA
  • Paranoia
  • Moving the body
  • Returning to the scene of the crime
  • Bragging about it/elaborate lying
  • “I was home alone” – worst alibi ever
  • CCTV

There is no such thing as a perfect crime. The dead always tell.

WHAT IS MY AESTHETIC


Me: what do you think my aesthetic is, kaileigh?
K: you are soft. Definitely not emo!
Me: awe! Thank you!

K is going to show me how to do an aesthetic background on my iPhone and widgets!

I really miss this girl!

SATURDAY AFTERNOON WELL SPENT


My niece is visiting for a couple of weeks.

I’m so excited.

Today I am hoping to go for lunch with her and shop.

I’m just so happy K is here now.

MY NAP BEFORE MY BIG NAP


Daisy and I are taking a nap on the sofa. Why?!

Because at 4:30 Willow decided to choose violence and pee on the bed while I was sleeping!

Why?! She had two litter boxes and she was allowed to play outside!

Was I snoring like a wild beast?! Probably!

Did I scare her? Who knows!

Regardless, I was up at 8 doing laundry!

I’m grumpy. I wanted lots of sleep! I have a long day!😂😂😂

BUT IT WAS RIGHT THERE!


I had a wonderful sleep.

The room was nice and chilly and I was finally comfy.

Too comfy it seemed because I slept in🤦‍♀️

I wasn’t late for work. I have the option of starting early or at my regular time.

I was in a great mood when I walked onto my shift.

I greeted my first customer.

“Where is it?!” She demanded.

Confused, I asked her if she meant the menu. As it automatically changes every 30 seconds.

“It was right there now it isn’t!”

“Ma’am May I take your order?” I asked.

“My order was right there! Now it wasn’t!”

I facepalmed myself. My first order and I already was dealing with stupid! “Ma’am you were told to pull up to the first window by the previous order taker!”

“Oh!”

My shift went well although there was in fighting among my drive thru team.

“Becky how come you’re not telling the mcCafe person to do her job?!” Ange asked. Surprised, I turned to her and shrugged.

“I’m tired of doing that. If I do, No one is going to like the consequences.” I replied.

“She stood there and told me I had to make my own coffees” Ange explained grumpily. “You do it!” Ange mimicked the McCafe person. She leaned against the counter her arms crossed.

My eyes widened in disbelief. “No! She didn’t”

“She stood here like this and told me to get my own drinks!”

Ah team work. I had to make it clear that the only person allowed to be lazy was me. That meant McCafe had to do their job, and there was no more of this “I don’t have to”

“But you’re not the manager!” Ange echoed.

“Who’s been here longer?”

“Twenty years of awesomeness!”

“Here she comes to wreck your day!”

“I’m so lazy you don’t even know,” I sang “I move at one speed and it’s slow.” And

There was silence and then everybody laughed except the part time night crew.

CONTRADICTORIES


Every thing is contradictory.

I’m so tired.

I can’t sleep.

My senses are dull, but I am sensory overload.

energy being exerted over nothing.

So much chaos, where is the calm?

Pretending, masking,existing,

my lips hurt to smile

Maybe another day it will be better.

Or just stagnant.

STILL RECOVERING FROM A PANIC ATTACK


When an panic attack hits so hard I can’t speak and the manager has the gall to step up to me and complain how I am taking orders. “You have to ask them if they are redeeming reward points!”

I can’t speak so fuck off!