THE WRONG CAT, THE WRONG CALL


I had a restless sleep.

I went to bed early but woke up at 11 because I was freezing. It was hotter than Satan’s ass outside but I was freezing! Go figure!

I almost let in the wrong cat.

I didn’t have my glasses on, and I was calling Daisy.

There she was on the sidewalk, meowing and rolling around like the cutest little thing!

I hurried to get my camera.

I got a video of her. Then I began calling her. I was wondering why Daisy wasn’t coming in. I glanced back at my camera, played backed the video.

The cat I was cooing to wasn’t Daisy.

I began to panic. Where was Daisy? Whose cat was that?!

The cat meowed.

I called several more times then gave up. Daisy would return. Thankfully she did.

My day went well.

OUT DUMBING THE SCAMMER:

Until I went on my break. I was on the toilet.

My phone rang. Don’t judge me. I answered it.

Scam: hello this is Amazon.

Me: hello.

Scam: hello. This is amaz…

Me: hello.

Scam: yes this is Amazon. Is this Rebecca.

Me: yes.

Scam: I’m calling in regards to a purchase made on your account.

Now I’m a little tired,confused, I’m waterlogged my bladder was acting up. I was on the toilet and I know damn well I didn’t order anything off Amazon.

Me: um what

Scam: yes there was a $700 purchase for an iPhone 11.

Me: ok and. I never purchased.

Scam: we locked your account. It’s from Ohio.

Me: Ohio.

Now this is where I became an asshole.

Scam: if you could go on your amazon account and look up quick support

Me: quik

Scam: no no quick..

Me: my account.

Scam: no.. you won’t be able to see it on your account!

Me: see what?

After several moments of him trying to describe what I am supposed to be seeing he then told me to look up anydesk

Me: oh shoot. What is going on?

Scam: are you talking to me?

Me: did you say I was supposed to stay on Amazon?

Scam: no no anydesk! Can you tell me the number.

Me: oh.

By now I had discreetly did my business in the bathroom and was eating my lunch in the crew room.

Scam: do you see it?

Me: see what?

Scam: the number!

Me: no it’s a white page. I don’t see anything.

Scam: ma’am! Ma’am you are supposed to see a red box and a number! That’s your IP address.

Me: oh. No just white. Is it supposed to go to the App Store.

He got so frustrated. I was trying not to laugh. To be fair, the internet connection was very sketchy in the crew room.

Scam: do you have another device that you use for Amazon.

Me: yes my computer, iPad you know.

Scam: iPad? So on the iPad go to anydesk.

Me: but it’s at home.

Scam: what is?

Me: my iPad.

Scam: where are you that you not getting wifi?!

By now he was frustrated enough to talk to another person in another language.

Me: at work.

There was a sigh of relief.

Scam: good. You’re in office. Now you can see red box and number!

Me: no it says 0

Scam: what says 0?! Ma’am! Ma’am please go on the website anydesk!

Me: it just says 0!

Another frustrated grumble.

Scam: ma’am are you on anydesk.

Me: um I’m on my break.

Scam: what does it say?!

Me: download.

Scam: yes! Yes! Please click on it.

Me: I can’t.

Scam: why?!

Me: I have to go back to work!

Lol he never called back

I’M WALKING AWAY FROM THE PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE


Trying to sleep.

Trying to find a comfy position. Willow won’t leave me alone, like a clingy ex. I show her the door.

Trying to cuddle with a body pillow. I kick it to the floor.

I just can’t Sleep! My mind. My body. Won’t relax.

I decided to have a bath.

Found my cats waiting. Predators anticipating.

Suspicious, I walked into the kitchen. Found the freezer door wide open!

My jaw dropped.

Nothing defrosted. Damn cats climbing up on the fridge.

I am about to run the bath, when I hear the familiar sound of claws tearing up my couch.

I investigate. Oh joy! Willow pooped on the towel. On the sofa. (towel is for this kind accident)

I stare at it.

Then walk away.

Fuck this shit. Fuck my need to clean. Fuck everything!

I’m having my bath.

A CAT? OR AN ASSASSIN


My cat Willow tried to methodically take me out. Snuff me. Plan my demise.

I believe her first plan- death by stench- almost worked. My word, that cat could smell worse than garbage! No matter how many times I would wipe her bum with medicated soap, she would come back with some more sinisterly foul smell emanating off her.

The second plan – death by stress. Willow is a gift that keeps giving. She gives the gift of waking me up in the morning by peeing on the bed. on the sofa. Leaving her poop on the sofa, bed, on Daisy. That was priceless!😂😂 I get so stressed I end up going into a OCD break down followed by depression.

The third plan, was death by snuggles. My cat is a fat bottom girl 🥰😂 so adorable with beautiful colours. Yet heavy as fuck in the trunk.. I can’t carry her properly so I don’t. We snuggle. Last night we snuggled. She burrowed her face in my arms. Then bit me! In the under arm. I stared down at her in disbelief. She lifted her face and had an expression of bliss. She nuzzled again then bit. “Ow, that hurts.”

Which leads to this morning.

Willow spent the night in her cat tree. I refused to have the cats sleep with me. I woke up to a putrid smell (exaggerates) I almost vomited. Willow strutted into the bedroom. I immediately nixed that idea.

She smelled so bad, but I praised her for being such a good girl for letting momma sleep.

I ran a bath. I couldn’t find the cat soap, brush anywhere. Coincidence?! Probably.

I carried Willow into the bathroom and that’s when all hell broke loose. She screamed and clawed at me. The pain was excruciating! I was terrified she ripped into my brachial artery.

However, the moment Willow touched the water she relaxed. I was stunned. She allowed me to wash her. She fretted a bit when I got to her bum. All of sudden she launched herself at me.

Clawed her way out of the tub. I was so bewildered by her hissing and angry attitude until I opened the door and there was the neighbor’s cat!

I shooed the cat away and tried to comfort Willow but it was too late.

I disinfected my arm,bandaged it and then I noticed Willow got me again. “No!”I wailed. “Not the bra strap!” Right in the shoulder!

A cute adorable fat bottom baby with wonderful colouring by day, a sinister foul smelling assassin by night!

MY NAP BEFORE MY BIG NAP


Daisy and I are taking a nap on the sofa. Why?!

Because at 4:30 Willow decided to choose violence and pee on the bed while I was sleeping!

Why?! She had two litter boxes and she was allowed to play outside!

Was I snoring like a wild beast?! Probably!

Did I scare her? Who knows!

Regardless, I was up at 8 doing laundry!

I’m grumpy. I wanted lots of sleep! I have a long day!😂😂😂

SPOILED WITH AFFECTION


Willow and I were snuggled in bed. She wasn’t feeling well either. Despite the fact I combed her fur. And spoiled her with lots of love.

She began to gag, and climbed off the bed to prepare herself for vomiting. Perhaps it was me?! 😂😂

I comforted her. She surprised me by allowing me to pick her up and hold her in my arms.

I burst into tears. I was so happy. Willow allowed me to hold her for awhile.

I discovered that Brushing Willow? while she enjoys it, it aggravates her scent glands. Damn that girl stinks!🤢🤮😂

My cats haven’t left my side all day. They normally are outside or whine to be outside. Not today. It made me feel so much better.

Out of nowhere Daisy darted onto the bed and ran to me. She was frightened by something outside. Daisy crawled under the covers. Until she was at my feet, pawed at my legs. She settled down between my legs, and huddled close. Willow laid beside her

I wonder if having someone in my life would I be pampered and spoiled with affection when I am sick?

PRETENDING TO LIKE PEOPLE


Ah Wednesdays!

My sworn enemy!

Rearing it’s ugly head again.

I tried my best to be patient but pity the fool that drove into my lane and decided to ask me stupid questions.

A woman asked for a sausage muffin breakfast’

“A sausage muffin meal?” I asked.

“I said breakfast didn’t I?” She snapped.

“Yeah well that don’t mean shit to me,” I replied. “Did you want a meal or not?”

The drive thru team turned to gawk at me. I shrugged. I was being polite. Rather than answer the question? the customer chose violence.

All I wanted was to relax when I got home.

What I got?

Was stunned disbelief and laughter.

Daisy was hiding under the waterproof blanket on the sofa. Sleeping.

There were skid marks all over her! So to speak!

Willow wiped her ass on Daisy while she was sleeping!

All over the blanket.

Daisy hadn’t moved.

I was laughing hysterically as I pulled up the blanket to clean it.

Poor Willow was not well. She attacked me later when I went to comfort her.

I did get a lot of affection from Daisy. Kisses and snuggles.

Both cats ended up on my bed.

Unfortunately for them I couldn’t find a comfortable position.

So I’m all by myself.

Story of my life.

A CAT MASSEUSE


I woke up to Willow playing in bed. On me. Beside me.

It was nice. Having her pounce on me, like a massage.

It helped my migraines.

I woke up again some time later to get some water. I found four toy mice in my bed! Willow brought all of her new toys to bed so she wouldn’t have to share with Daisy!

SMOKY AND WILLOW MIX UP


I let out Daisy this morning.

I settled down with Willow to snuggle and sleep when I heard crunch! Crunch!

Willow got up to investigate. I followed because I didn’t want to go outside.

Suddenly this grey streak darted by my leg. I went into the living room. I saw Willow eating food.

I blinked. But she was just in bed with me! She was fast and hungry!😂

Wait if that was Willow then who was in the bedroom?

I was too blind for this nonsense! I stepped back into the bedroom to get my glasses. There Was Willow!

Ok so then what?!

Confused I went back into the living room.

There was a grey cat eating food!

Was that smoky?!

Hadn’t seen him since I got Willow.

He had gotten shaved! He looked so cute! Almost looked like Willow.

I was so happy to see him!

Willow looks like me in the morning. Rough