EYES TO SEE THE UNSEEN


  • Eyes to see the Unseen
  • Heart to feel compassion
  • Feather for sacrifice

Sounds similar to a spell. they were items a Golem was searching for to become human.

Ugh what a weird dream.

However it made me realize how recovery from cancer can transform (?) a person’s perception.

Become more compassionate and empathetic. I cry over everything 🤦‍♀️🥰🥰😊 especially if someone is so happy 😀

It’s truly a blessing.

The simple life/luxury


I want pearls and diamonds

I’ve lived my simple life. I deserve a life of luxury.

I don’t want to mind my P’s and Q’s I don’t want to say “please and thank you”

I want to eat whatever I want and not worry about what others think or how much I spend.

I want to do as I please, pack a few things and travel wherever.

OH HAPPY SUNDAY


It’s a beautiful sunny day!

There is still a bit of snow! But it’s a glorious Sunday!

These kinds of days make me really appreciate how good I have it! They also make me feel humble enough to pray for others during these hard times. They too need a spark of joy and a relief just so they can relax from every day struggles!

Is it Spring? I hope so! I think I saw my first spider’s nest in the corner of my apartment building! By the outdoor lamp!

I flung open the curtains! Washed the windows! It was so wonderful to see those glorious sun rays pouring through!

I got distracted though and made a video of Daisy and I!

Yesterday it took me 3 hours to watch 1 hour of Blacklist!🤦‍♀️😅😱 I was getting so distracted!

Anywho! Today I am going to open the patio doors! Light some incense and have a relaxing day!

I ordered pizza. So I won’t have to cook or make a mess cooking!

I’m just going to enjoy this wonderful day!

Enjoy your day!🥰

You Got This!


Never regret anything that makes you smile

Don’t forget to drink your water. Eat a snack!

Relax your shoulders. Laugh at someone’s joke.

Don’t worry about the small stuff. Don’t be too serious! Be silly!

Having a moment to reflect all your blessings, can be reassuring. Putting yourself in a more peaceful piece of mind.

Take a deep breath! You can do this!

Most of all? Have a wonderful day!

HE IS MERCY


He is my Light in times of darkness. He is my Anchor in tumultuous seas

Amen

HAS IT BEEN A JOKE


I broke down crying when I called into work again. I felt so guilty.

I felt as if the whole year I was healthy and happy was a joke. A dream.

That I woke up and I was again this sick unhappy person I never wanted to be.

Even my mother was accusing me of sabotaging my health. Not moving around.

Well who do you think is cleaning and doing laundry? Daisy?

This morning, Annie messaged me to see how I was. I was a bit freaked out. I thought the manager hadn’t covered my shift!

She thought it was funny.

A few minutes ago, Steve called to see how I was. To ask about my dad.

I told him, my dad was in the hospital and my mom was isolating herself just in case.

“Becky, you don’t sound good”

“Well I was hoping to work tomorrow” I replied, I could feel tears gathering.

“Would you like me to tell the guys to cover your shift for tomorrow?” Steve asked.

I almost started crying. “Yes please I am sorry”

“No problem, take care”

This is why he is my favourite manager!

Then my mother had to tell me that the Mennonite colony outside town wasn’t isolating and people had COVID! WTF!

FEELING BIT DOWN


I over did it yesterday. But who was going to do my laundry and Disinfecting my home? Imaginary house fairies?

Ugh. I really dislike scented disinfectants!

Between Daisy’s constant crying and trying to stay warm, The only peace I had was sleeping.

Which I did a lot of.

Today I decided to order in. That was a joke. Ordering off a website was supposed to take minutes, but no! I was grumpy when I had to call in my order.

Oh well, I got my lunch. Saved some for tomorrow.

Unfortunately while I was feeling better, my dad fell ill and had to be admitted.

He had been feeling under the weather for days, his condition deteriorated. Worsened by heart problems, diabetes and so forth.

My mom called tonight. I looked at the caller id I thought it said 7:45 am. And something horrible happened so I began to panic. No it was 7:45 pm. 🤦‍♀️ she was letting me know his progress.

I’ve been praying for his recovery and my mother’s peace of mind and well being but I am tired now.

Have a wonderful weekend ✌️🥰

THANKFULLY NO FEVER


I slept all day. Chills aches thankfully no fever. I had a hot shower because it was doubtful I would have the energy to climb out of the bath. I slathered myself in eucalyptus lotion and Vick’s. Disinfected the air with a tea tree diffuser. Drank ginger turmeric cinnamon tea with honey 🤢🤮

I am dreading doing the laundry after I am better. If only I had a maid to do that sort of thing.

But I have to admire housekeepers. Cleaning after their employees. My mother was one until she got hired at the care home years ago. She’s retired now.

It makes me wonder if housekeepers kept their jobs during quarantine too? Or were they let go?

Ugh I’m getting sleepy now.

Enjoy your night!

ENJOYING FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND


“I can’t go outside. I’m allergic to pollen and social situations”

I spent yesterday curled up on the couch watching movies and eating salad. It was raining, that my excuse.

I watched: Every Time I Die. What Men Want. Madea’s funeral (it was Tyler Perry’s worst movie!)

Today I was up early. It was beautiful out. Sunshine and warm! I went out for lunch. Went to the lake. It had flooded due to the rain yesterday.

The big houses on the lakeshore drives with their acres of land. One had Shetland ponies and baby goats💕💕

It made me contemplate the little things.

I used to envision my perfect home. With hardwood floorscat bedsds in every room for my cat. Sunshine streaming in. Wrap around porch. 

It took me a moment to realize that although I dont have a house, my apartment is my home. My vision did come true. I have laminate floors. I have cat beds in every room. Sunlight streams in every room bathing everything in soft yellow. I am happier than I ever could be.

Sure my apartment building isnt aesthetically pleasing but I love my place. its a perfect blessing.

I said a silent prayer of thanks and enjoyed the rest of my day with my family. 

 

PICTURE PERFECT


TRIGGER WARNING:

I spent most of the day sleeping. I had a doctor’s appointment early. I dropped off my taxes at the accountant and went home to nap.

My cat curled up with me. I pulled the covers over us she covered my hand with her paw.  she doesnt like to snuggle. We laid like that the whole time. she held my hand♥

I woke up two hours later to go to my parents for dinner. That was mistake.

It began with a photo.

I was admiring how beautiful my friend’s daughter was in her prom photo. Remarking how much her daughter’s appearance had changed since she began high school. “She lost so much weight” I sighed.

“You should” my mother interrupted.

I glowered at my mother. “She lost her weight because of an eating disorder!”

“Well maybe you should have an eating disorder! Then you can lose all the weight you gained! You are so fat now!”

This comment made my niece livid! She had been on her TikTok and she stopped watching her memes, something that rarely happens. “Did you not hear what Becky said? She said, that the girl had an eating disorder! you can be hospitalized from it. You can die!”

My mother rolled her eyes. “Yes well at least she would be skinny.”

I sighed. 

My dad then stormed in and asked why he could hear us from outside. My niece told him that my mom said that I should have an eating disorder.

“So?” my dad shrugged. “She is getting fat.”

“people from eating disorders can die!” my niece cried. By this time my mom was really angry.

“It’s so retarded! She was going to lose weight!” she snapped and she glared at me. “She had cancer, she lost weight and now she gained all the weight back!”

Thankfully it was time to go. However, I had been sitting on the defective reclining seat. Once it reclines it doesnt work. I was struggling to get the chair to  a sitting position. My parents glared at me. “Yeah its time for you to lose weight. You cant even get out of the chair!” my dad sneered.

My eyebrow rose. “Really?” I let go of the lever and jumped up. Kicked the chair close. “Fuck that. Fuck you.” walked out.

Its true I have gained some weight, but I am not the same person I was years ago. I feel better, healthier. True, my eating habits need to be better. I cant blame it on my pickiness now.  There are things I can do now that I could never do before because of constant pain and because of the tumour. Things I took for granted. 

I am enjoying every painfree moment now! If I am happy feeling great then people should be minding their business.

All this over an Ice Capp!