A DEEP QUESTION


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Have you ever considered what would it be like to date you?  I did think about it once. It was kind of scary. I think I would be too much too handle. Just too weird. I just want my lover to be happy. Loved. Truth be told, it took me a long time to realize what a horrible person I was. I was a negative mean person. Jealous and had very low self-esteem. Now I try to be someone can laugh with, confide in. I try to be independent, I try not to be indecisive (my pet peeve) I try to keep my assertiveness low key. I dont care what others think, I dont need their validation.

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?  I would like to know my purpose. Am I supposed to make others happy, inspire others? That is how I would like my future to be. I would also like to know the truth about myself. Knowing the future I think would be dangerous, because then I would do anything to accomplish that.

 

WHAT I DESIRE?


We were lying together, snuggled under the blankets.  your heartbeat under my ear, your arms tight around me. I could stay like this forever. The heat of your body, the scent of you makes my senses hum with awareness.

I shift in your arms to find you watching me. You smile lazily, your fingers trailing down my body. “you snore like a bear.”

I chuckle. “I think you are mistaken. That was you”

You laugh and kiss me. “Nope” you whisper. “You snore.”

You kiss me again, you roll ontop of me. Your lazy kisses turn hot hungry. Your mouth makes me dizzy, and I whimper against your lips. Slowly your lips brush against my jaw, down my throat. Leaving little kisses along my collar bone and further down

You hover above my breasts, your breath whispering over my hard nipples. My breasts ache to be touch, I arch into you but you push me back down.

“No my little sex monster,” you breath “You have to be patient”

I shiver. “please. not this time. I don’t want to be teased.” I beg.

You lift your head to study me. Your expression is thoughtful. “I see,” you muse. “Is my little sex monster being a willful spoiled brat this morning?”

I bite my lip. I can’t tell if you are playing or if you are being stern. I don’t care. I lift my chin defiantly. “I told you I don’t want to play your games anymore. I want you.”

something in your eyes changes. Darker. “I didn’t realize we were playing game.” your voice is silky. You are poised above me, your body tense with unfathomable emotion.

I frown. “You say you know me. You know what I like” my eyes never waver from yours, “but I am asking you now, do you what I want? what I desire?”

-writing this before bed. trying to find inspiration. failing miserably.

You deserve more


A relationship should not be based solely on texts. There isn’t intimacy or emotional connection.

truth be told, if a person can’t put in any effort to be with their love then they don’t deserve them. A person deserves more than a late night “I miss you ”

but what do I know? I’m single 😭

RAINY DAY MAN


Co-worker: I love this place, but I dont like it when customers hit on me. That customer just called me beautiful.

Me: yeah, I don’t have that problem.

It was my lucky day.

I was in First Booth, the rainy weather compelled all the good looking men to come on thru.

blue eyes and well-trimmed beards are my kryptonite! I was trying to maintain a level of professionalism! It was so damn hard.

They would pull up, grouchy and sour-faced! I would smile and greet them. Let me tell you, there was nothing sexy about my voicy. All scratchy from allergies! Still all mucus and phlegm. A real portrait of sexiness let me tell you! (not)

Suddenly their eyes would light up, they would smile. They were very happy to see me. It kind of got to the point where I got paranoid and thought maybe I had something on my face. My fly was open. Or that when I bent over, they could see more of my breasts than my shirt should have allowed.

One of my pet peeves though is when a guy tries to get my attention and when he has it, suddenly becomes aloof. I hate that! If I don’t say hi or acknowledge you, let it go. If I do say hello and acknowledge you, don’t pretend you don’t know me! Fucking mind games!

I had been greeting the driver when I caught glimpse of the passenger. It was Matt C. No big deal. Whatever. He made it seem like a big deal. He was like a dog, all excited bouncing in his seat, leaning over trying to catch my attention. Finally, I looked over at him and smiled. “Hi Matt how are you!”

He sits back in his seat, this blank expression on his face. “Oh, I am fine. and you?” he answered in a non-committal tone.

I stared at him for a minute bewildered by his reaction, took back the interact and didn’t answer. Annoyed beyond belief, I said goodbye. Fuck, I hate mind games.

Not even a few minutes later, a truck pulls up. “Hi is your order,” I turned from the order screen and stopped in mid sentence. There was Elle-Jay’s ex-boyfriend Robert. I had not seen him in two years. “Oh my god, Robert where have you been!” I exclaimed.

He burst out laughing. “I have been trying to be good, and not eat here.” he answered.

I laughed, “Thanks for making me feel guilty”

He laughed harder. “Sorry. How have you been?” he asked.

“Good. ”

“They have you back up in here.” he surmised.

“In my cage.”

“Well you will probably see me around more then” he murmured.

Fingers crossed.

Blue eyes! ack, my kryponite!