PRESSURE TO BE BEAUTIFUL. IS IT TOO HIGH OF A PRICE?

http://video.ca.msn.com/watch/video/anti-anorexia-model-dies/17yy1qvms?from=en-ca-hpquad

Isabelle Caro. the model who posed for an anti anorexia ad.

i think its hard for overweight people such as myself to see another woman who is at a normal weight think of themselves as fat. its even harder when other people keep pointing out our weight. Thanx captain obvious, we have a mirror.

accepting ourselves, and not accepting other peoples judgement is hard. We define ourselves by society. what society percieves as beautiful. That is a mistake. Who gives a rats ass about others think. We were created the way just as we were. We can modify our appearance, by fitness; healthy eating but in the end, we shouldnt have to change who we are physically to fit in a mold set by others.

Granted, anorexia is a mental disorder as well as a physical disorder, but surely if the pressure wasnt there to look perfect to be perfect, would it still exist? would anorexia still exist? or any kind of body dysmorphia exist?

TODAY I TRIED:

• COCONUT WATER – hmm. i dont see why Demi Moore is so obsessed about it
• RESTRAINT-  not punching out the wal-mart cashier for taking too long. she was too busy reading the back of my dvd.
• PENDULUM CHART – i had no idea there was such a thing. thank god for the internet!

 

WHAT I DIDNT  TRY  TO DO TODAY

• MSG CHAD BEAR – oh come on!  the urge to do so is very very strong! if i didnt have thumbs could i still txt? so have to get over myself!
• MEDITATE – not good.
•  SPENDING-   some $$$ on the 32″ flat screen tv i wanted. it was on sale!!!! why!!!

I WANT YOU ANYTIME ANYWHERE

why be so coy. why be so neat and elegant.

so i will just let it all go.

fuck me.

anytime.

 in a chair. backwards.

from behind. on a counter. spontaenous.

fuck me.

ontop for hours. standing up.

in public, quickie. in a car.

fuck me

in the morning, on the table.

hard and fast in the shower against the wall.

fuck me

in the park, out in the open in the rain

in the dark on the bed

fuck me.

now.

THE COPENHAGEN INTERPRETATION. SAVING THE WORLD. ALL IN A DREAM

I wonder if the conception of timespace as a dimension resonates with other timespaces, is  possible.  Like the Copenhagen interpretation. If one was a supreme observer in a multiverse. That one person could determine a sole event just by observing one of the possible future events. I think it would be kind of horrible in one sense, and kind of awesome in another.  One could be trying to get the desired effect One wants, without thinking of the consequences, therefore, initating a horrible sequence of events. Devastating the multiverse, however, what if One was to alter an event? Would it have same the consequence?

What if in a horrible twist of fate, what if there was such a thing. Is a person playing god?

I had a dream, it was horrible. It had none of the Copenhagen Interpretation, more of a  temporal loop.

I had awakened in an apocalypse, everything is red, black and shades in between. Flying  gliders, with weapons attached. I dont know where I am. I dont even know who I am. I am stumbling through bodies until I come to an encampment. Everyone is calling me sir. Sir. Like I am in charge. There is a broken mirror, I catch a glimpse of myself. I am in a bodysuit, and I look like Kakashi (naruto) only with breasts.

I make my way into the camp, and everyone is surprised to see me. Apparently, they thought I had died in an ambush. I see four young warriors. three men, one woman. They are to be my team. I am very doubtful of their capabilities and resentful. “Who are you!” I demanded of the first one I see. He is young. blond. very blue eyes. he has a cleft in his chin. “Coleson.” he murmurs. “I am Major Coleson, sir.”  i am surprised by his rank. oh. i ask the rest for their names and ranks. I am surprised by their skill. “Coleson, you will be my number one.” i then point to the lanky one in glasses. “Your next.”  i swung my gaze to the girl. “If they all go, your next.” she didnt like the sound of that.

it took awhile before i could trust my team, we worked well together, grew closer. Each other’s life in the other hands.

One night  I go to my tent, it been a hard day. I find someone is on my bed. I reach for my weapon. “You would be already dead if I was the enemy.” it was Coleson. I glare at him.

“You shouldnt be here.” I snapped.

“thats the problem. I do belong here.” he sat up. “You dont. I have been watching you, your jumpy. you dont know the area, you dont know the weapons.” he pointed out. ‘How did you make General if you dont know how to lead a corp? dont even get me started on your tactics. they are so outdated.”

I swallowed hard. “I didnt buy my way in thats for sure.” I tried to laugh. I tried to speak, but all the fear I had been living with for months came out. “I am not from here.”  I blurted out. “I dont even know where here is!”

Coleson narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?” he motioned me closer. I explained to him what had happened. ‘This isnt my body.” I choked. He held me. “I dont understand how it happened.”

Coleson held me through the night. ‘Dont worry, sir I will protect your six.” he murmured. I pushed at him and he laughed.

I had gone on a recon alone, and i had sensed something was wrong. I began to head back to the base. Smoke was spiralling into the air, everything was decimated. Gliders were circling like birds of prey. I could feel panic exploding with in me. Where was my team. I began to search the mess. Body parts everywhere. I found my Second next to the opening of my tent. He was barely breathing. Underneath him was my Third. She was dead. “No, no this cant be happening.” i whispered, i stroked his hair back. ‘Where is your commander.” i choked. “Where is Coleson.”

my Second couldnt speak, blood spurting between his lips. I began to pull him into my tent, next my Third. I had to find Coleson. The base had headquarters in the center of the encampent, it had gone under heavy shelling. Some of the structure was still standing. I went picking thru the rubble, when i saw his body.

“Coleson!” i screamed.

i woke up at this time because although i had been in dreamstate, my mind and body couldnt tell the difference. I literally felt the pain and shock i was experiencing in the dream. My mouth was open trying to scream out Coleson’s name.

i had to calm down, i fell back asleep. Not even few minutes later i was back in my dream.

i woke up in a different time same body as  kakashi, only i was in a distant past. Everything is clearer, not a scent of apocalypse.  The gliders had followed me. They were hovering nearby the school. I had my weapon and i tried to shoot one down. but i was still in shock. I followed one glider to a house. I became frantic because i recognised the owner  as the father of this dream dimension’s  future president. i tried to speak to him, but he was busy moving.

“Unless you want to help, I dont have time to talk to you.” he snapped. ‘I am busy moving  this heavy armoire.” he gestured to the wooden oak furniture.

I sighed and tried to help. I got frustrated because he still wouldnt listen. I dropped the armoire. I moved into the house. No one was inside, I searched the back and found children playing in the back. It was when one of the children turned that I recoiled back in shock.

It was Coleson. I couldnt believe it. He was 17. 8 years younger than he had been in the future. “Major Coleson?” I croaked.

He smiled as he turned. “No ma’am.” he stepped forward. “I dont think the army is for me.” he gestured to his artifical leg. I frowned. In the future, Coleson had bled out because he lost his leg. “Can I help you?’

I turned to search the children. Because the future and the past had been altered I wasnt sure if the president had been born. I mention his first name. Coleson smiled. ‘Yes thats him, he is playing the violin.” he pointed to the youngest. I could hear the screech of the gliders. Panic erupted within me.

“Get him and your brothers and sisters out of here,” I whispered. “Now!” the fear of losing Coleson began to grow. ‘Do it.”

Coleson frowned looking at the sky, “Do you hear that?” he murmured.

‘Did you hear what I said!” I pushed his sisters at him. ‘Do it! I am your commanding officer!” I broke off remembering in this dimension he had no memory of me or what he had been. ‘Please your in danger!” Remembering the large armoire .  I instructed him to put the youngest brother in there. with his father. “Do it!”

I withdrew my weapon as the gliders appeared in the sky. “I dont know who you are,” the familar voice behind us made me froze. It couldnt be. ‘But you have become a pain my ass since you survived that ambush.”

I turned slowly to find my Second. His weapon on Coleson. “Even in this life you still are a thorn in my side you pretentious bastard.”

Coleson stepped in front of his sisters. “Have we met?” he asked coldly.

“Have we met?” My Second laughed in disbelief. “You and your family are the reason we are in the hell! I am going to put an end to it all.” there was a familar click, of a weapon being armed. I watched in horror as the laser started to erupt from the weapon. I launched myself forward. Putting myself between Coleson and my Second. My own weapon discharging. I could feel nothing as I knocked back, I could only watch as my Second’s horror. He crumpled to the ground.

Coleson caught me as we fell. I awoke just as I said his name.

Every time I tried to correct an event, something went wrong in the next dimension. I had to relive it, either Coleson’s death  until I got it right. I never died. I just got zapped into a different time and place. Until I realized it was Coleson’s brother I had to protect. it sucked. I never knew either Coleson’s name.

ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS

He wasnt alone.

Even as he stood in the doorway, he could sense her, feel her presence. Could hear her breathing, a whisper in the silence.

She had been waiting for him. His nostrils flared when he caught her scent, a mixture of rainmist and sunflowers.

Candle light casted shadows over his features, over his dark blond hair, creeping down his body across the floor.

He stepped further into the room. He saw her then upon his bed. Irritation rose within him, he wanted to tell her to leave. She had no business being there. Invading his space.

He had to admire her presumption, he thought with little amusement. With slow deliberateness, his heavylidded gaze travelled over her body.

Her ankles were wrapped securely in silk, and bound to the foot of his bed. Her perchant for kinky was not lost on him, nor did he share it. He followed the curve of her calves to where the eyelet hem of the sheer nightie skimmed her thighs.

Her breasts rose and fell with her breathing, her nipples harden under his questioning gaze. Her arms were pulled high above her head, her wrists were bound as well in silk.

There was no question why she was here. She wanted him. She was going to go to any lengths to have him, binding herself to his bed would just be icing on the cake.

“Come here,” she beckoned here.

He should tell her to go to hell, but there was something about the idea of having the woman bound to do as he wished it gave him a surge of unexpected power.

“What do you think coming to my room like this?” he put enough anger in his voice to bring fear to her face.

He approached her. Her eyes never left his, then fell away. to his chest. “Answer me!”

She swallowed hard. Then looked at him defiantly. “I want you.”

“You want me.” he laughed, watching her flinch. “You want me, you have no idea of what you want!” He gripped one of her ankles. “You play these silly games to get my attention. What is it you want? You want to play?” he slid his hand up her leg. “I dont care for your silly games, i dont share your idea of kinky.”

she inhaled when his fingers brushed against her, teasing her with his knuckles. “I am not into the BDSM. its not what i like.” she assured him.

he flicked her with his fingers, the unexpected pain made her arch, and the explosion of pleasure that rushed through her made her gasp. “What are you doing?” she choked.

“proving my point.” he muttered. he flicked his fingers harder against her clit, watching her features as she arched against him. The pleasure that coursed through her mirrored in her face. She tried to close her legs but he wouldnt let her.

His free hand smoothed over her to capture her chin. “Tell me again, what you want.” he demanded.

“I dont know.” she whispered. “I want you.”

He smiled. His gaze burned into hers. “You want me, prove it. Prove how much.”

she swallowed hard, he could tell she was getting more aroused, her panties were soaked against his hand. “How.”

“You bound yourself to my bed.” he let his gaze travel over the bed. “Am i to assume i am to do as i want with you?”

Indecision played upon her features. “Yes,” she whispered. Her heart raced, it pulsed at her throat. “You can.”

“Whatever i want.” he was now stumped. What did he want. “Kiss me.” he bade her. he lowered his head so she could reach his mouth. She kissed his mouth timidly.

He was not satisfied. “No. Kiss me.”

Her mouth pressed to his, this time her tongue touched his. Delicately. Tasting his lips. Each whisper of her tongue over his lip made him tighten his hold on her. He finally opened his mouth. She dove in, in search of his tongue. When she found it, she played with it, delighting in its warm velvetness. She drew it in her mouth and began to suck. A low groan escaped his mouth.

her tongue skillfully played over his, seeking out the inner cavern of his mouth. She broke the kiss finally. “You taste good.” she whispered. He smiled.

He thumbed her chin, stroking his fingers down her throat. she swallowed convulsivelly. He followed his fingers with his mouth, letting his mouth taste her skin. She made a sound as he neared the hollow between her ear and her jaw. His breath touched her there first, she shivered in delight then the moist rasp of his tongue made her arch. He licked her there very much like a cat licked cream, measuring her response. She was whimpering, giving him her throat, and grinding against his hand that still rested between her thighs.

“Please! Please!” she croaked.

He withdrew slowly, only to gaze at her flushed face. Her eyes were glazed over. She was enjoying this too much he thought. He let his hand glide up over her hip hitching her nightie. His touch was rough.

“As much as this is amusing,” he murmured, “this cant be all about you.” he saw the glimmer of fear return to her eyes. His body hummed with the powerful need to have her submit to him. He should have been horrified by his body’s reaction to her fear, to her reaction to his roughness but when he saw how she didnt retreat it only amplify his need to possess her. She trusted him.

His hands closed over her breasts, her breath sucked into her lungs. “Its a pity they arent smaller, they are bit big arent they?” he said almost to himself. “But they are perfect for what i have in mind.” he leaned down to whisper in her ear what he had intended. Her eyes grew wide.

He pulled back. “Since you are all tied up. I guess this means i have to undress myself.” he began to undress. Carefully folding his clothes. Very aware she was waiting, watching. When he was naked he came close to her. Her eyes were rivetted on his cock.

He climbed onto the bed beside her. He stroked the length of her body, once more cupping the mounds of her breasts. He startled her by lowering her head and taking one nipple in his mouth. The suction of his mouth through the material left her nipple moist. she moaned. He smiled baring his teeth, before nipping her.

She arched in shock. It stung but enough to cause pain. He gripped the bodice of her nightie and tore it. “There thats better. Dont you think?” he demanded.

She swallowed hard. “Yes.” she licked her lips. “Yes i do.” he climbed above her, his hands cupping her breasts once more, only to squeeze them together. He smiled at her and pushed his cock through the valley. “hmm thats great. Now be a good girl and do what i told you.”

She hesitated. Then opened her mouth. “Thats a good girl. Your learning fast. This isnt it all what you expected was it.” he murmered as her tongue swiped the head of his cock. He didnt care what she thought. This was too wild. She was letting him do whatever he wanted. He began to move his hips, his hand on the bed, the other slipped behind her head.

He cradled her, as he pumped his hips forward, the sight of his cock sliding back and forth into her mouth, it was all he focused on. her breasts forgotten. her mouth skills were better than he even dreamed. Then her teeth scraped along his shaft. The unexpected pain shot through him, coinciding with the pleasure that slaked over him. The two melded together in an agonising sensation. “You bitch!” he grated out through clenched teeth. His cock throbbed. he forced himself to pull back. “you will pay for that.”

He could swear there was a smirk on her face. He took a deep breath. Gripping her by the thighs, he forced her thighs as far as her bound ankles would let her. He ignored her struggling, as he slid his hands up, until he encountered her panties. They were easy to be rid off. His fingers were between the glistening folds of her vulva.

She gasped. He stroked her then pushed his finger up inside her. She was tight. “Your resisting me!” he told her. “Dont.” he slid his finger in and out until she relaxed, moaning. He rolled her hardened clit with his fingers, watching her delight.

“Do you want something?” he asked, as he lightly teased her outer opening. She arched trying to push his finger back inside her. “Tell me.”

She glared at him. “I wont beg.”

He stared at her for a moment. “Beg?” he hadnt thought of that. An idea formed in his head. He slid his finger back inside her, and he lowered his head. He could smell and feel her heat. It rolled of her. He could feel her anticipation.

With the first flick of his tongue, she made a sound. Her clit swelled under his tongue and he went after it. His mouth closed around it and he began to lick taking long swipes over the sensitive flesh. She cried out.

He changed from gentle to hard swipes of his tongue, long and short stabs of his fingers, whisper of his breath to blowing on her heated flesh. She bucked frantically against her restraints, she couldnt evade his relentless assault on her.

“Please!” she cried as her body racked with her orgasms. “oh god please!”

He lifted his head. “he isnt here.”

“Fuck you!” she panted glaring at him.

“Dont you want to.” he put his head down. he took another swipe when he heard her sob out his name. He raised his head once more.

“Please untie me.” she whispered. “I will do whatever you want.”

“Your total submission?” he asked. she nodded tearfully. He pulled away long enough to untie her. He waited until she rubbed the feeling back in her arms and legs.

“Come here.” he bade her. She crawled over to him.

He had laid on his back. “Straddle me.” he told her. she did so gingerly. She was about to slide on his cock, when he motioned for her to stop. The head of his cock rubbed against her. back and forth. Till his shaft glistened with her moisture.

“Now suck me.” he ordered. He almost came when he saw the look of shock on her face. Lick herself off his cock. Something she hadnt done. He guided her head down. Her mouth hesitated over his cock. Then she slid her lips over him. He groaned. “Nice and slow. I dont want to come yet.” his fingers in her hair, he eased her into the tempo he wanted.

he stroked hair lovingly, combing it through his fingers. Their eyes locked briefly and he smiled. At this rate he could go on forever, and she realised it too, speeding up, then slowing down. Her tongue flicked down under the sensitive ridge of his cock, following the vein that pulsed wildly. His fingers were vice like in her hair, as she blew the tender skin under his balls.

After a few minutes he lifted her head off him, and he smiled at her. “That was very good.” he murmured. “Next time use more tongue.” he urged her back over him. Once he started to penetrate her, he eased back. He groaned. She was so tight.

He sank deep, hearing her little moan. Her finger nails bit into his chest. He felt her adjust to him, then he slapped her ass to urge her on to the rythm he wanted. She smiled in spite of herself. She was slick on him, moving up and down slowly at first. He raised his head up to take her mouth, the kiss was hard. He left her mouth to find her throat the valley of her breasts, then secured her nipple in his mouth.

She clenched her muscles around him in response, he groaned. “Its my turn now.” she breathed.

The hot warning echoed in his ears, stopping his heart in mid beat before it kicked back hard in his chest. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he growled against her skin.

She only smiled sweetly but the wicked gleam in her eyes made him uneasy. The slick muscles around his cock began to milk him gently as she seated herself on his lap. “holy fuck.” the curse escaped his lips in a hiss, it was if a wet velvet vise was fisting his cock with each ripple of her muscles. She was concentrating on his face, his eyes on hers. He was going to come if she kept this up. He grabbed her ass, but she slapped his hands away. “Your not in a hurry are you.” she teased.

She pushed him back. She ran her fingernails along his chest. He grimaced. “You asked me if i liked pain. The answer is yes. It is wonderful in small doses.” she whispered. his cock flexed inside her. She bit her lip when she saw the red lines her nails left. “Dont you think?” she lowered her head and let her tongue flick over the path. her tongue left a wet path, and she found the small disks of his nipples. She circled them with her tongue. Wetting them with her tongue, his hoarse groan made her chuckle. He wanted to tell her to stop, but he wondered why. in truth it did feel good. Until the sharp bite of her teeth made him cry out.

The unexpected pain made him seize her head. But she shook her head. The pain was fleeting, in its wake was pleasure as she lapped at his nipple. “Everyone is so afraid of pain, they dont realise how pain and pleasure go hand in hand.” she murmured. “pain in small doses.”

she raised herself once more. He was reaching for her, and he kissed her hard. “Enough with the games,” his hips surged riding past her clenching her muscles. He heard her cry out. His hand between them, he stroked her clit. “Oh yeah baby, thats it! come.” she jerked under his touch. her orgasm left him soaked, his cock was aching. He gripped her hips and pounded into her several times before he came. he fell back drawing her down. She smiled drowsily, bringing one of the silk ties to his face. He groaned, nuzzling his face in her throat.

“Dont even think about it!” he muttered.

she giggled. he spanked her ass. she moaned. “save that for that later.” he whispered. “I have a feeling that we have all night!”

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES. OLD AND NEW!

I was up early this morning thanx to kaileigh. Yeah santa is here! Is 8:30 still considered early? I remember when i used to get in trouble for getting up at 5 when i was her age.

Her enthusiasm is exhausting. I dont know where she gets the energy. She got an air hockey table! what the hell! Where was my air hockey table when i was her age?

I remember when Grandma had an hockey table in the attic. Not an air hockey table, sort of like foosball only with hockey. I always lost. Not coordinated i guess. Those were fun times!

My mom bought kaileigh a new photo album so i spent most of the morning looking through old photos. Most of them were from the 50s and 60s. Old mennonite deutsche. ha ha. Thats what i kept saying! ticked me off because my mother hadnt written any of their names down, so i couldnt tell who were my aunts and uncles and who were their friends.

I found hideous photos of me when i was in school, oh man. not even right! Pictures of me when i was younger, i cant believe how kaileigh and i look alike at that age.

 

 

I found pictures of my sister and i at grandma’s old house at christmas. in 1990! omg! that was like forever ago!

I found a picture of us with our cousins. and a picture of  my late grandpa with my mom. sweet.

What a way to spend christmas morning. All by myself looking through old family pictures. :)

I MISS A GOOD HOME MADE MENNONITE DISH!

I am watching TOP CHEFS.

Boring.

Why is it that not one cooking show on the FOOD NETWORK has yet to conquer mennonite dishes? not one! Or Amish. any kind of dish of that caliber?

The chefs want a challenge there it is! cook a tradition authentic mennonite dish!

I miss homemade mennonite dishes. Kelke doesnt count.

lol my fave

PORTZELKY!

New years cookies! i once ate the batter on its own. dont do that! bad idea. these are so goood!!! yum yum! dip in sugar once they are cooled. i just eat them plain!

Ingredients:
 
1/2 cup milk
1 cup hot water
1/2 Tbsp salt
1 Tbsp sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 cups raisins
3 egg yolks
3 egg whites, beaten stiff
3 cups flour
1 1/2 Tbsp instant yeast
2 tsp baking powder

1 litre Canola oil (approx) for frying

method:

1. Rinse raisins with boiling water to plump
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine milk, water, salt, sugar, soda, raisins
3. Combine flour, baking powder and yeast, adding some to the liquids.
4. Stir egg yolks into batter and then add the rest of the dry ingredients to make a heavy batter which will be rather stiff.
5. Fold in beaten egg whites with spatula
6. Cover and let rise until double in size. (half to one hour)
7. Using two regular tablespoons (one for scooping and one for scraping) drop into hot oil (about 375F or 190C), turning over once and frying until brown.
8. Scoop into a paper towel lined pan and roll in sugar while still warm.

BUBBAHT – BAKED (Mennonite Chicken Dressing)

1 cup flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 T sugar (optional)
1 egg, beaten
2 T shortening (or butter), melted
1/3 cup milk
1 cup raisins

YOU MAKE ME LOSE MY BREATH!

 When we grow separately we never grow apart. We are always connected. You are the first person i think of when i wake up, and the last. I never know the right words to say, but sometimes its best i dont say anything at all. I often wish you peace and serenity. i give you hope and strength in my prayers and most of all i bless you with love.

MICHAEL BALDWIN. KING OF DAYTIME?

LIFE WITHOUT MICHAEL BALDWIN! 2008

yeah theyre re-running that episode. i didnt see that episode. Egad i dont even want to consider Y&R without Michael Baldwin. He is epic! Christian LeBlanc has been on that show for nearly 20 years. Frankly he is the show. Forget Victor Newman. He is an ass. Michael Baldwin he’s the man.

He first appeared in 1991, omg i was 13! He was mentor to Christine, until he became obsessed with her during a court case. ooh. Wait what about Hilary?

Michael wed Hilary Lancaster, one of his former harassment victims in an attempt to show that he had no desire to pursue Christine. I dont know where Hilary went to. i thought he buried in the wall???

but he  bore a hole into Christines apartment through the wall of the apartment next door. He bound and gagged Chris pal Nina and attempted to rape Christine. Paul burst in and shot Michael many times, saving Christine in the process. Michael survived and spent four years in prison for his crimes.

What is so great about Christine anyway? Why was every guy trying to get in her pants? Even Keemo! (Jack’s son) until he fell for mary jo. but come on Christine is soooo goody goody. barf!

Once paroled,  Michael manipulated Christine into supporting his bid to be able to practice law once again after Michael donated a kidney to Chris ex-husband Danny. Barf! please i would have let Danny died! what the hell were the writers thinking!!!

Michael faced off against Christine in the courtroom when Phyllis and Danny divorced and fought for custody of Daniel. Hmm phyllis and Michael.. ooh kinky kinky… handcuffs anybody! They were hot together! Until they became besties! Awww! i love those two!!!!

They were adversaries again when Michael represented Alice Johnson in the custody battle over Cassie Newman. After overcoming their difficulties, Michael and Christine formed a law firm, Baldwin, Williams and Associates, together. Michael genuinely fell in love with Christine and hired the unbalanced Isabella Brana to break up Chris troubled marriage to Paul Williams.

Eva longoria unhinged! This is where she got her start in the business! she just got a little uptight because when she wanted a designer dress for an awards ceremony, the designers were asking  ” who ARE you?” ha ha ha

Michael and Christine became engaged, but she called off the union after Michael came clean about conspiring with Isabella.

Michael has come into contact many prominent Genoa City residents in his role as an attorney. He represented Katherine Chancellor when she battled Jill Abbott for control of her family mansion, Diane Jenkins in her divorce from Victor Newman, and, more recently, Jabot Cosmetics, after the tainted cosmetics cream scandal. The barrister has had flings with best pal Phyllis Summers and Grace Turner.

Grace Turner, was best played by josie davis. Hello! She is smoking hot now. Compared to her days on Charles in Charge. Hmm Hello! She was so devious!

However i must say when it was revealed that Kevin Fisher was his brother, i have to admit that was the best storyline ever!  Michael softened to Kevins plight after Kevin was nearly beaten to death in prison. I cried, it was one of  Christian LeBlanc’s best performances, as well as Greg Rikaarts!

I really didnt enjoy Joan Van Ark’s protrayal of Gloria. Michael and Kevin’s man-hungry, security-seeking mother. Judith Chapman does a way better job.

I had hoped Michael would have been with Phyllis, Michael finally put some roots down after falling in love with and marrying Lauren Fenmore. Which is kinda awkward since Kevin had a major hardon for her. awkward!!!

After getting off to a rocky start (Lauren was kidnapped by Sheila and presumed dead during their honeymoon), Michael and Lauren became proud parents to a baby boy named Fenmore. Lauren went into labor prematurely and the baby is in ICU but they are still joyful (even with Sheila’s dastardly deeds looming in Laurens mind). Not long afterwards, Sheila returned to Genoa City looking exactly like Michael’s good friend Phyllis Summers (thanks to a plastic surgeon).

Thats what pissed me off. If someone looked like your wife and your bff, why couldnt Nick or Michael tell them apart? Nick was married to phyllis he is supposed to be able to know everything about his wife. Michael is her bff! they went through everything together. talk about screwed. damn writers! know your history!

Why did it have be Summer and Fenmore that had to be the ones to be to tell which one was sheila and which one was phyllis????

Paul Williams and Michael teamed up to keep her locked up away from Lauren but she escaped! Sheila kidnapped Lauren, Phyllis and their babies and terrorized them before Lauren was able to tell who the real Phyllis was and shot Sheila dead.

Michael’s troubled brother Kevin was almost killed by his quirky British girlfriend Jana Hawkes alongside his old nemesis Colleen Carlton when it was discovered that Jana had killed Carmen Mesta to find a treasure. Later it was revealed that Jana’s erratic behavior was due to a brain tumor. At first Kevin wanted revenge but then he realized that he truly cared for her and helped her get the surgery she needed. Soon they were deeply in love.

Jana and kevin how about that. Two freaking pyschos in love! I love Jana’s accent. So darling.

They were married at an Ashram in Malibu, California.

Married! yeah for only two seconds! Only now Jana’s brain is rewired again! she has the emotional capacity of a chipmunk! WTF! she is no longer in love with Kevin! WTF! Kevin is in love with Chloe. oh barf! Jana and Kevin! TOGETHER! alright! i am getting really getting sick and tired of these shenigans!

thats not all the bullshit on Michael just the stuff i remember and i love. hmm yeah i know i dont have a life. what? at least i am not one of those people that DVDR, tiVO etc has fanfic going on. is there fanfic. omg. i would be terrified if there was.

CANT GET ENOUGH OF YOU

my tongue trips,

words get lost from my brain to my lips,

my heart hammers, my breath gets caught

i get  hot everywhere with one look from you

its like a drug i love the high, i cant get enough.

i cant get enough of you

ODE TO CRISPIN FREEMAN

Image by fc.nz via Flickr

Ah Crispin Freeman wherefore art thou, voice actor? Shall thy voice bring tears to my cheeks as thou didst as Itachi in Naruto. Or Shall thy voice bring anger forthwith as thou didst as Noein – Unmasked.

Stranger than true, thy voice is most becoming and fills all with joy. Carry on for we have never heard such a sweeter sound.

FUN NIGHT!

just got back from my spiritual meeting! it was fun. Lorelei and Emily officiated because their sister, Elaine had to work late. It was pretty laid back, if Elaine was there it would be all business. :)

I dont know if it was a lesson in karmic irony but one of the new people that joined was Tammy. She has to be one of the worst customers ever. she sat across from me. I was like thinking. REALLY?! she is actually nice. just too bad she cant be like that when we are serving her! grr!

Emily’s son Will brought Travis, one of the kids I used to babysit. Will looked so familiar maybe i worked with him before. I know I did.

Jessica McI and He were close or something.

Perhaps he recognized me too.

I instantly regretted not working on my shields before going. When I arrived at Lola’s shop there was so much energy floating around. I felt like I was on pins and needles!

We were discussing pendulums, Lorelei was trying to find a pendulum for herself. I love pendulums!

Lola let us use some. I tried a quartz. there was so much energy i dropped the pendulum. Bobbi was beside me she looked at me like i am crazy. Bobbi claims to be a medium.

“Too much energy.” i said. “i dont like it.”  my body felt like billions of ants were swarming in and settling in my chest. doing little jumping jacks. very unsettling.

Lorelei was  holding her pendulum its just resting there, travis’s pendulum was just resting there, Tammy, Deb, and tiffanys. but  mine is swirling like mad. everyone is looking at me I had three heads.

Then Sharon pulls out her wand. It was given to her by Nova. Nova had it blessed by a high priestess. she tells us she uses it only for scrying and healing. it was so beautiful. However when i touched it i nearly leap out of my skin. it held so much energy. i quickly pass it on to Bobbi. “Here you go! too much Energy. i dont like it.”

Today we learned about reflexology because Emily is a practioner. When it was break time, Deb decided she was going to buy tarot cards. the law of attraction the money kind. she was looking at them, and tells Tammy.

“How am i supposed to read the cards.” she was looking at the back and front. The front had the affirmation, the back had the meaning. I sigh. really?

i reached over the table. “This is the front.” I show her the front, which is illustrated with the affirmation. “This is face up. you read this first. Then you read the back.” i explain. she looked at me with the most contemptuous glare I ever seen.

She thought I didnt know what I was talking about!

I dont but its like a tarot and oracle card right. common sense. and deductive reasoning – come on use your brain!

After the meeting is done, Deb goes to Lola to ask how to use the deck. Lola explains exactly how to use it.

wait for it. i was right. Oh Debbie’s face! Yes Priceless!

7 GUILTY PLEASURES

• i listen to the jonas brothers. i like nick jonas. I wake up to PARANOID every morning
• i love fashion magazines. i love fashion. even tho i cant stand shopping!
• vegging out on the sofa- watching family channel. yep i do. among other shows. lol.
• sushi!! and sticky rice!
• youtube and blogging. the internet is a wonderful thing. i leave little notes to my fave guy on here.
• sleeping in. i do as much as that as i can. :)
• 2hour baths. relaxation at its best!

DREAMS. WHY DO YOU PLAGUE ME!

i woke up @ 4 this morning. ugh. i dreamed i dreamed. ugh i hate that. i dreamed that i was at my parents house. in my old room, where Kaileigh sleeps now. I was sleeping and i had a dreamed that i was being haunted. I kept shouting “stop it! Stop it!”  i woke up in my dream and my bed had moved off its frame onto the floor. My mom of course had awaken and i am like “look at what happened!” she never believes me when i say i have lucid dreams, i was hoping this time when there was evidence something was attacking in me in my sleep; she would believe me.

Instead she got mad, told me to stop fooling around and get to bed. I was so angry.  the bed was totally turned around. how could i do that in my sleep?

i woke up in reality, totally disturbed by that dream. i am lying there for only a few seconds when BAM! something in the kitchen crashed. i got up warily, went to investigate. only a cup had fallen from my dish rack. then the plates moved back into place. grrr! i have to go back and sleep!

i tried to go back to sleep, but it wasnt a very good sleep. grrr!

ONE OUT OF TWO READINGS AINT BAD

Im not sure what made me have misgivings about my readings today. I got up early. Had a shower. Got ready. Meditated for half hour then got on my way to Lola’s.

The shop was already busy. I hadnt realised this but Elaine, Emily & Susan were sisters. They come from a whole family of energists. I had my appointment with Susan first.

I had to lay out on a table, which was fine. She put her hand on mine, and said i had put out too much energy. not taking any back. I was always tired all the time. She sensed this great sadness in me. Why do all psychics, intuitives and energists say that to me?

I felt this great amount of energy coming out of her, it was really calming. really great. She kept saying how dark my energy was, how sludgy. that my sadness was weighing me down. that i had to let go. then she was talking about learning 3 gifts from it. i had no idea what she was talking about. i was to busy enjoying the calming effect her energy was washing over me.

Her hand was under a thick blanket underneath me, i could feel this warm sensation flow through me. i wanted it to go on forever. it was nice and calming. then she put her hand on my heart chakra and said she was giving me gold light. ok. whatever. just let me keep feeling your energy.

she had to stop, tho i was so light headed thru the whole session she was babbling on about the 3 gifts i had to learn. whatever. i dont care i wanted more of the energy she was giving me.

i had to wait for Nova, because Lola was having a reading. I noticed Travis F was waiting for a reading too. hmm really. i used to babysit he and his brother. interesting. this lady finally comes out. i am waiting. finally i go up to her and ask if she is Nova. Oh yeah. she is still sitting there. awkward. “i am sorry did you want a break?” i ask. oh no she finally gets up gets her notebook and follows me into the backroom. What is that about?

She tells me she is an intuitive. uh yeah i know. do i know what that is? i pretend ignorance. and she tells me she reads auras, colors she doesnt see the visions she gets off people she just gets a sense of what it is. Had i ever got a reading before. Yeah. Serena.

She sits there for a minute rubbing her hands. then she starts to tell me i have a great sadness in my life. Again with the sadness. Three pyschics have had told me that! that i have struggled with it somehow its put away. a gray aura.its not bad, but its great. and that she senses pink. a feminine figure in my life. its a young pink. I dont say anything until then. I just say oh yes.

she looks at me, trying to get sense of my reaction. her eyes searching my face for any kind of emotion. any kind of acknowledgement to what she has said.

I am not amused.  what are you doing are you trying to do? get a  cold read? just keep going.

she has a picture of stairs, which to her implies homelife. In my homelife i am moving up. If it were a ladder it would imply work. she sees amber which is a warning. which is a good warning. hmm interesting. very vague.

she also sees that i am whitewashing something. that i have news or something in my life that i dont want anyone to know because its exciting to me. hmm really. i dont know what that could be. honestly i dont know.

She says she sees Red. Which means medical someone in my life or around me has a problem with a leg. it is very serious. I still havent said anything. i havent even acknowledge anything she says. she is looking at me for me to acknowledge this.  she says this person wear a light blue stone. not any fleck of black in it. a very light blue.

Then she says i should carry a yellow stone, because it is comforting, in my right pocket. because i believe i am not deserving of what it is to come. that the stairs she sees will bring me higher up in my homelife also implies love and romance, i somehow dont deserve it. i dont deserve happiness or love.

which in somehow somepart of me is true. some little part of me believes this true. i didnt acknowledge this.

Nova wanted me to place a red stone under my pillow for two weeks. after two weeks to carry it around with me. the red stone would represent love and passion and sometimes a warning.

again she is looking at me for somekind of acknowledgement.

I do not acknowledge anything, she kept looking at my face, looking for any kind of tiny sign this to be true. if she was truely aware of her gift, truely believed in her gift, she wouldnt have to read my face or look for signs of acknowledgement. doing a cold read. uh uh.

She then asked if i had any questions. noooo!

the leg thing was true, my dad had broken his ankle, a blood clot was formed in his leg and he had a stroke of somekind. that was years ago.

the tiny pink aura she found in mine was kaileigh. two for two.

THIS MORNING.HARD PRESSED.

i got up this morning, way too early. Is ten too early? it is too early for me. I am thinking that i should go uptown and get some money for my readings tomorrow. I am so excited. i am having two readings. One by Nova, and one by Susan. Going to see how different their readings are from Serena. Lola suggested i have Nova. I guess she sensed how affected i was from the last couple weeks. she even let me read energy off Susan’s drum. wow, i can sense some energy. i got a little bit off it.

While i was debating or not to go uptown, i decided to go on the net and check email and such. I was checking my windows live, and i see that Demi had put up some more photos. Its sad that with such a big engaging smile she hid so much pain. I am about to comment on one of her photos, when my sister called to see if i would like to go out for lunch.

hmm what a coindence. i needed to go uptown, and my sister is a way for me to do it.

I went back on Windows Live, and i am debating whether or not to leave a comment on Demi’s photo. It doesnt matter if she reads it or not, its the thought that counts. so i did a leave a comment.

I see that chad-bear is online. nope not even going to think about engaging him in a conversation. What am i going to say anyway? Hey hows it going? what have you been up to?

I hate small talk, i hate trying to pry any kind of conversation out of anyone. I feel as though i am much of bother to them. Like we are ants in a jar struggling to escape before our air runs out. Why does conversation have to be so hard, its a war and we are combatants. Why cant it be natural, free flowing like water. Not pressed like flower in a book?

I have no problem expressing myself writing! however when it comes to expressing myself in a conversation with a person i like i might as well throw up. Nothing makes sense, i stutter, and i panic.

sometimes life deals me an ugly blow!